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Eish

Life
She is difficult.

Exam times suck.

On the upside, theatre is breathtaking, music is riveting, and I could build my house next to the theatre any day.

Plan to quit job at church and subsequently take time off to deal with spiritual crisis is slowly formulating in my head, now just got to work up the guts to actually admit it. To the churchy people.
May need some motivation from Bob, a loudmouth friend of mine from home, who went from raving Jesus-freak to raving atheist a few years ago. He has called me ignorant a few times, and he’s probably right.

Studying romanticism = question of reason versus emotion resurfaces! maybe God makes no sense (logic, reason, rationality) but he still exists and loves us (feelings, opinions, sentiments, beliefs)… I don’t know, really, I am so lost.

What else…It’s been two months since I was last home for a holiday, and so two months since the holiday hook up – turned -more than friends – turned -now not even speaking. It’s been two weeks since I heard from him, and I’ll probably give in tomorrow and sms him.

Nails will probably need plastic surgery after this week’s ravaging. If quitting nail biting is this lame, I cant imagine how hard it must be to quit heroin. Maybe im just pathetic and weak-willed. very possibly so.

Less academia, more theatre. Less shallow learning, more devouring and embodying and living and doing.

One of the few lines out of the thousands I’ve read, that I actually loved:

Samuel Coleridge writes:

“So will I build my altar in the fields,
And the blue sky my fretted dome shall be…
And thou shalt not despise
Even me, the priest of this poor sacrifice.”

(from “To Nature”)

And this bit:

“Vixi! Vivit adhuc immemor ASRA mei.”

[My life is done! Yet ASRA still lives, unmindful of me.]

(from “Ad Vilmum Axiologum”)

I went to bed last night at half 12 and woke up at 7. I am like a cat – if I sleep for less than 18 hours, it’s kind of a problem. 😛 It is now 00:40 and somehow I’m getting up early again tomorrow. To finish off Coleridge’s poems, and fly face first into a big fat pile of KEATS! OOOOH DELICIOUS!

At least I’ve finished reading through Wordsworth. Somebody in heaven (or wherever he may be) please send him a message from me, with two words:

“Verbose – eish.”

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Comments on: "Eish" (6)

  1. Silver Surfer…

    LOL

    Keep in there Marty, things are going to get better… Everything gets at least nominally better after college 😀

    xx

    • What/who is silver surfer? (apologies if he is like your biggest hero and I didnt know 😛 )

      Thanks lady, at least im no longer in highschool ( see latest post). oh mein gorshness. HUGS

      • Oh ye of the goldfish memory. Never mind, your brain is overloaded as it is… remember our conversation about le aforementioned (in your blogpost) friend and the swimming attire and then I nick-named him ‘The Silver Surfer’ and you said he’d love that…? LOL

        • lolz! yes i did indeed forget that 😛 haha i miss Bob actually. he knows his Biblical shtuff, i gotta hand it to him. Sigh, july is not that far away. sort of. cant believe its been two months since i was home!!! hectic stuff china!

          Yeah. i miss durbs that much.

          Bru.

          No lakas.

  2. I bit my nails until one time I forced myself to trim with clippers for a week to look decent for a job interview. Lost the desire after that, can’t stand the thought of teeth on nails now. I still work the skin at the edges over pretty well sometimes though…

    “I’ll probably give in tomorrow and sms him”
    Can remember thoughts and feelings like that too well, painful to remember… Certainly an upside to marriage/established relationships, when one is fortunate enough to arrive in a good one.

    I like the Coleridge quote, thanks for sparing me the other thousands. Really, that bad? It stinks, when you can’t have time to enjoy stuff in college because of the overload.

    • Haha i hope il reach that stage soon! when just thinking about nail biting will give me the chills! i carry a nail file around with me, but to no avail. oh wellz..one day.

      I still haven’t smsed him, but the sms is sitting in my Drafts folder on my cellphone. Every time i look at it I have a small existential crisis, and then im like, NO, i will be strong! Amaaandla! (which is Zulu for strength). I’ve always been the kind of girl who wanted to be married. Even at 13 😛 I can’t handle short-term flings.

      As for Coleridge, he can actually be quite nice, but yeah, overload makes a lot of nice things seem quite awful. Very glad it’s over now, just three more exams and im done! 😀

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