| Make This Motion Count |

Make your peace

It’s going to be a difficult night
But every time it gets easier
It’s a routine she’s slipped into (how?):
Hello, come in, you’re hurting me, get out.
The words flow more easily
Less choking than last time
Muscle memory

It’s easier to pull myself out of your arms
Because I learnt the steps to my dance so well.

There he goes, over the threshold, the stoep.
She says something soft, a hoarse whisper, trying, aching to get it right.

She runs out to him in thin gray socks which don’t keep the cold out
She grabs him and whispers

I don’t blame you, I don’t blame you

Cold starless skies observe her child-like arms clinging to his bowed frame,

but do nothing

to help them swallow their tears

She floats back to the door, the frame, the house holding her in, and he walks, unreadable, to the car,


And she waves goodbye
Another goodbye
She knows that if he comes back
He will never come back the same
The way he was before tonight.

She knows that if he comes back
It will never be the same
She closes the old wooden door
And the keys rattle to the floor.

This time she doesn’t make it to the bathtub
She crouches down right next to the door
And feels the rays of pain spread through her body like a burning oil.

If he comes back
He comes back different.

If he doesn’t come back
You start from square one again.

Make your peace.
Make your peace.
Make your peace.


Comments on: "Make your peace" (2)

  1. Nice work. The pain comes through soooo strongly.

    Have you ever considered being treated for depression?

    There’s worse things in the world than having a disability.

    • Thanks for the comment! Although, um, not sure you understood what I was writing about.. I am not suffering from depression 🙂 I’ve just been let down by several men in the past few months, and it hurts. I don’t think that’s a disability, that’s just life hehe.

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