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So, you read the teasers

Now, childen, it’s story time.

On Sunday 6 June, I set out armed with sparkly armbands and thick socks to the land of the Western Cape. By Greyhound bus. The trip was supposed to last 14 hours. In real life South Africa, it lasted 20 hours. One breakdown and several bitchfests later, we arrived in Awesome land.
The bus trip was kak, but it was made pretty awesome by a bunch of young ladies, most of them from Rhodes, who decided that we should unite and brave the kak together. We played charades, went on pee missions, and had coffee over the trailer while manly men writhed under the bus with wrenches and spanners and grease.

I have no idea what I did on the Monday night that I arrived, but I probably just had a sexy date with a blanket and a pillow. On Tuesday my friends G and E took me to the Natural History Museum where we had an epic LOL at the embarrassing colonial representation of the isiXhosa people, as part of the NATURAL HISTORY exhibit. Alongside the octopus and the dinosaur. No exhibit on white people though.
It was really ridiculous and archaic, and someone should do something about it. Nyeh nyeh nyeh, political bitchfest, over and out.

That night, I got my koogil on, i.e. I wore my sexy black dress, my new formal shoes from Jet (motherf&*$(WY&*$%% PAIN – MY TOES ARE RUINED FOR LIFE), and did that sexy hairdo thang. All to fit in at TIGER TIGER, some cool club for all the popular kids that bullied me in highschool. End of flashback. We all looked like sex gods, we went and danced among the jock fauna, tried unsuccessfully to hook me up with the only scene-looking guy, but it was still alright.
I’m never trying to hit on a dude at a club again.
I’ve never wearing those Jet shoes while sober, again.
I’m never becoming a toenail model.
Shitz.

Wednesday was definitely one of my favourite days – we bust a drive to Kalk Bay, a little seaside area with a little pier and a weeny ickle lighthouse. It was all my size, twas awesome. There really is something about the sea…the waves… This immense mass moving and controlling all beneath my feet, suddenly surprising us with gusts and splashes, disowning man’s power by crashing water over the pier, under our shoes, denying our right to be rulers of the natural world…(end of sea ode)…
The Olympia Bakery, which sells awesome food for really cheap, was also a hit. Hello there, cheap sexy Apple Crumble.
Then I followed the Cape Town Indie trend and went second-hand clothes shopping with G and E. They found awesome retro clothing, I found a Woolies jersey for 30 bucks. Shwet.
That night we hit up a more comfortable gig scene at Zula Bar, I was getting my scene gangster on in Pepstars and skinnies, when I decided a visit to Nandos would be way better than listening to the kak sounds of raw, under-rehearsed bands. El, another friend of G, decides to join me on my little mission. It turns into this epic conversation – you know when you just click with some people?- and we just carry on and on. Eventually G joins us and we decide to bail on the lame gig.
The plan is to have a grill.
If you know what I mean.
So we bust a visit to the BP, stock up on the essentials: Chips Ahoy Choc Chip Biscuits, Cadbury Chocolate slab, and tea.
We grill.
And then it’s all one big silly memory 😛

KIDS – try this at home – dunk one piece of chocolate into your tea. Dunk one choc chip biscuit into your tea. Apply pressure to the dunked chocolate and biscuit so that the two bond and become one. Eat. Satisfy your gluttonous self until the chocolate runs out. OM NOM NOM.

I love it when the barricades drop and you can look at someone frankly in their eyes, and acknowledge all the goodness of that moment, without being afraid of sounding over-eager or romantic. It’s just an incredibly happy, bright moment, and there is no fear in you to say so. Eyes that so frequently watch from the walls, are gone tonight, and there is nothing to hide in this frankness.

And here kids, ends Part One of Marty’s saga in Cape Town. The next episode features a bearded wizard, possibly in spandex, and flying broomsticks. If you’re well-behaved, a sparkly vampire may just make an appearance. You wouldn’t wanna miss that.
Much more to follow soon…it’s time to wash my fair and get ready for FESTIVAL!!!

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