…it is one which involves your last ex, his Awesome New Girlfriend, your ex from last year, and you.
The Universe would have laughed hysterically, had you actually run them all over.
This morning, with a mere nine minutes before The English Lecture of Mental Disintegration and Doom, I raced out of my driveway, sped down the street, and just as I was considering ignoring the Stop sign, three pedestrians strolled in front of my car.
My eyeballs registered the following, in between twitching and seeing flashes of coloured light:
Awesome New Girlfriend – ex from this year – ex from last year.
Due to the Doom of this morning, the nighness of the hour, and the lack of caffeine in my system, I was talking out loud to myself when they all sauntered past.
Chances of me looking like a deranged cat lady: 100%
Thank heavens my window was closed, because I emitted a HOLY SWEET CHEEBUS MOTHER OF ALL THINGS WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT OMFG so loud my teeth cracked.
And then the ex from last year peered into my car, as if…wait, is that her? Or…hmm…
And I, in all my over-excitement, waved like an absolutely ecstatic tit (because 2009 Ex and I are now on speaking terms) and then felt like a moron because no one waved back, and then they had finally crossed the road, and I looked to the driver in the car on my left, and gave him the happiest smile ever.
He obviously thinks I do cocaine now, but that’s okay.
Thank you, Universe, that I did not speed through the Stop sign this morning.
I would have been arrested for culpable homicide without a shadow of doubt.