Listen here, fekking Universe of dubious sanity and terrible sense of humour.
If you’re going to make it hot and sticky, forcing me to leave my car door windows open so I don’t die.
DON’T let a bumblebee (read: Lucifer with wings) sneak into my car and DON’T let me discover the wretched beast only after I’m driving down the busiest road in town, in the dark, in the rain, when said beast is a few centimetres from my hand and I am DRIVING.
Or do, cos I am a talented driver, and I will calmly pullover, evacuate the offending demon, and re-enter the driving lane safely. But then, fuckwit Universe, DON’T send a moron careening in his stupid car at lethal speeds in the opposite lane, and DON’T make him decide to cross the intersection without giving precedence to the incoming traffic i.e. ME. Because although I am awesome and destined for great things, I will still nearly die as he hurls his car right in front of mine and I manage to brake a single METRE away from his car-door, while he keeps careening across the lanes.
Or do, because I will brake just in time, and I will maintain my sanity long enough to get to my destination without causing any traffic obstructions. And on top of that I will run a rehearsal and attend a showing at the theatre, without a hint of tears or panic attacks. But then DON’T bring the world crashing at my feet with a shit comment from my supervisor and even more work to get done with even less time and even more deadlines and editing and cuts.
Or do, because you know what, I am fekking amazing, and despite my knack for procrastination and ridiculous oversensitivity, I can and will direct a brilliant piece for my Directing exam!
Damn straight beesh!
RAWR! RAWR again!