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the problem with faith

i want to believe in God
i want to believe in friends forever
i want to believe i will find the love to subsume all previous loves

but where’s the truth in that?
where’s my proof my evidence my right to believe in any of these things?

the world is heavy today and i buckle and skim the surface of this pain
dipping quickly in
a quick burst of tears
fresh and encouraged
by friends who have hands tied friends who
can only do so much before i cut the connections and sink to my solitary caverns

this is a badlands this is the return of repressions
underwater i
can’t really breathe
flail
or find warmth
and i get confused
i dont know if i belong
down below holding my breath
or if the real world is the one i explode into briefly
to catch a breath
and feel a touch of sun
and then buckle back down
to the murky navy blue below
where is home
where is home
where is home
where is home

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