| Make This Motion Count |

Drive it out

Winter - Forest Drive

Image by Celeste33 via Flickr

Who ever thought I’d find therapy in driving.

Okay, so my blogging experience actually did start  back on DeviantArt three years ago, with me finding more wisdom and symbolism in my driving instructor’s words than in the Bible.

So maybe…this makes even more sense! That I was slipping reeling falling

and instead of the usual concoctions of coffee, smoke-squat sessions and tear-drenched pillows surrounded by friends and hands

i

made a playlist of songs that speak to my soul

and i got into my car

at 10PM on Sunday night

(when the church bells have stopped their beauty, their racket, their reminders)

and I drove out into the mist.

I had no set paths

I just knew this reeling was too close to my old illness

and at this age and point in time

i really cannot go backwards.

so off i go, in my little box, streets nearly deserted, the mist scaring me at first, then challenging me

Underoath, As Cities Burn, Brand New

I started to scream

primal, high-pitched, throat-burning screams with no words

knuckles white gripping the steering wheel

slowing down at every stop street, braking at every robot

not a reckless loss of physical control

but in those screams comes out so much of the repressed state

eventually the tears come

and then the words

all my questions, all that sickness.

Mariana’s Trench, Death Cab For Cutie, City & Colour, Owl City

screaming to a pitch black sky and a foggy grey-white horizon

out of which suddenly appears a massive church, a school, a house

my own voice rings back at me

keeps ringing in my head today still

i realise more than i can write here

but when i come home, it is visible (at least to me)

that i am calmer.

i twitch less and in the bed i rest

journalling my thoughts, discoveries, and this one line,

not from any song, this is mine:

MAKE THIS MOTION COUNT

As my readers will know, I’ve been thinking about motion for ages. I am in motion, I am a speck of almost static insignificance in the great motion of the universe. I receive and feel motions, I give out motions. These motions are never eternal, never always the same. But what is the meaning of these motions?

I will never forget a quote on Mrs Nicholson’s wall. History classroom, Grade twelve.

“It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?– Henry David Thoreau

There are more changes to be made, but this is a good place I am in right now. Solid enough, yet vulnerable enough, so that I have both the strength and the urgency of sorting my shit out.

I have five long nails.

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Comments on: "Drive it out" (3)

  1. I used to do this (how do you actually say that?.. “used to”, is that right?..anyway) when I was down in Tennessee. I would get in the car with a mixtape, point the car in a direction I had never been and ttok off. I once spent six hours winding through Tennessee back roads and hills. Came across the most amazing places, and I could never find them again if I wanted to. It was only in those moments when I purposely drove into the unknown I guess.
    Motion huh? Never really heard things put like that. And what are we busy about? Good f’in question. “I shoot an arrow right. It lands left.” -Rumi

    • Used to is in the right context there, I reckon 🙂

      Anyway, that sounds really amazing, I don’t think I’ve driven for 6 continuous hours yet 😛 I live in a really small city 😛

      I can’t remember when I started raving about this whole concept of Motion, but it’s been with me for about two years now. Hence my URL…I also kinda want to get a tattoo that has the word MOTION in it 😛

  2. […] missions – I’m starting to get into them. First my epic drive à la banshee, and now today’s mindful, meditative walk/photo session/ happy bunny […]

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