This post is dedicated to my oldest friend (she’s young, I mean that I’ve known her the longest), who is currently in Jozi getting a ‘real degree’ in Occupational Therapy! I don’t know, I think they just roll around on bouncy balls all day and call it “therapy”. Sounds like Drama to me.
(see what I did there guys? Sarcasm! Yaaay! See my Disclaimer if you don’t understand.)
Anyway, this is yet another post on the frustrating, soul-wrecking, hair-greying experience that is DIGS.
Ah, student life. If only it really were just about partying late, drinking your weight in booze, and chundering on the carpet. Waking up at lunch, belching, fixing your wedgie and getting up to go smoke a bong in the garden. Yeahh. Not so much.
Unfortunately some of us students like clean toilet seats. It’s quite a sin, we know, but there’s something about new sponges that excites us. And let me not even begin to describe a freshly-lined dustbin…the thoughts of that clean packet just waiting to be filled with more crap…the PG rating on this post gets higher…
In my two years of digs life (what the feck. it feels more like two millenia.), I’ve learnt some important life lessons, which I thought I’d share with the blog universe, especially with this friend of mine in mind 😉
(1) A rat, regardless of its size, is never a good thing to find in your kitchen
(2) Visiting boyfriends are acceptable until they start shedding pubes on your toilet, floor, face etc
(3) If you really want to make an impact, don’t just go and speak to your digsmate. Wait until they’ve come home, exhausted, passed out early, and just as they start dreaming about islands and sexy masseuses, wake them up with a jerk and a hearty HEY YOU WITH THE FACE LET’S TALK ABOUT THE SPATULA!
(4) Cancer. It’s kinda hard to avoid it. However, eating burnt food, or cooking food in a burnt receptable, or cooking food in a burnt receptable and then burning it even more, are all ways to guarantee cancer will find its way to you. Here’s a hint: burnt shit – it’s bad. Avoid it. Great. Next point.
(5) Double standards. They’re sneaky ones these ones. If you’re going to get all uppity about crumbs and smudges (and by the gods of Clean Green, you do have the right to!) – then please make damn well freaking extremely definitely absolutely sure that YOU clean up your crumbs and smudges. Otherwise, you have no right to speak. Silenced, you are. Muted, you are declared. Do you follow?
A convention called AWESOME
I think there should be a convention. It could simply be called, AWESOME. People in the know would know what it’s for. We could all go there and swap stories about the atrocities we’ve been through, kind of like support groups for big things like war and recession and shit like that, except really cooler because we’d have free samples of Bleach and Cleen Green. Lucky packets of cleaning products.
Loads of clean couches and half-naked masseuses who clean the floors for us…uh what…Bible study! Bible study! We would all do Bible study.