University is supposed to be a time of epiphanies
I was going to write that sometimes epiphanies are about mundane things
But then I thought about it and I realised that if you let the little things marvel you, nothing is really mundane.
I’ve gotten used to shopping for one, cooking for one, living breathing and being for one. for me.
Then comes two.
Two means bigger, two means louder, two means more of everything and less of everything – time money love patience space hands thoughts and hearts
It means using the bigger pan
and squeezing into the tighter bed
it means – even if it is just for two weeks – that iiiii in all my boundary-obsessed ways need to revisualise everything so that it includes your
shoes – your one humble pair making my twenty look goofy, ridiculous, i should throw them out
pressed shirt folded pants thin tie – they hang on the back of my door so that each time i pass i beam with pride and i ask if you’d like me to iron them
socks – there’s just something about a boy’s socks lying around
i don’t know what
but there is something to it
your piles of coins making ancient Greek pillars on my sidetable
reminding me that we too
are building up to something
starting with a R1.
“We too” – look at that use of the first person plural
A rarity among these lines I write
And then it’s time for you to go
Squeezing all your towels and shirts into a backpack
Kissing you goodbye in a parking lot
I always seem to be leaving you in cold parking lots where nothing is static, so the name never fits, and I want to rebaptise them as lots of loss.
I come back to my empty room
Full of your absence
My sidetable blank despite the hairclips headbands and brastraps
The back of my door is an empty up-reaching arm
As I cook my dinner alone
I get my doses all wrong
There’s enough salad for your bottom-less belly
And I left the corn out especially
My fingers hook onto two plates in the pile
And I pause for a second
to unhook that overestimating finger
and take out a single plate
I’m in no rush to fix the pillows, still side by side
like the lovers that lay there this morning.
Let them stay –
I will sleep on my side tonight
as if you were still here
(on that note, happy five months, you incredible creature)