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For two

University is supposed to be a time of epiphanies

I was going to write that sometimes epiphanies are about mundane things

But then I thought about it and I realised that if you let the little things marvel you, nothing is really mundane.

 

 

I’ve gotten used  to shopping for one, cooking for one, living breathing and being for one. for me.

Then comes two.

Two means bigger, two means louder, two means more of everything and less of everything – time money love patience space hands thoughts and hearts

It means using the bigger pan

and squeezing into the tighter bed

it means – even if it is just for two weeks – that iiiii in all my boundary-obsessed ways need to revisualise everything so that it includes your

shoes – your one humble pair making my twenty look goofy, ridiculous, i should throw them out

pressed shirt folded pants thin tie – they hang on the back of my door so that each time i pass i beam with pride and i ask if you’d like me to iron them

socks – there’s just something about a boy’s socks lying around

i don’t know what

but there is something to it

your piles of coins making ancient Greek pillars on my sidetable

reminding me that we too

are building up to something

starting with a R1.

“We too” – look at that use of the first person plural

A rarity among these lines I write

 

And then it’s time for you to go

Squeezing all your towels and shirts into a backpack

Kissing you goodbye in a parking lot

I always seem to be leaving you in cold parking lots where nothing is static, so the name never fits, and I want to rebaptise them as lots of loss.

 

I come back to my empty room

Full of your absence

My sidetable blank despite the hairclips headbands and brastraps

The back of my door is an empty up-reaching arm

 

 

As I cook my dinner alone

I get my doses all wrong

There’s enough salad for your bottom-less belly

And I left the corn out especially

My fingers hook onto two plates in the pile

And I pause for a second

to unhook that overestimating finger

and take out a single plate

 

I’m in no rush to fix the pillows, still side by side

like the lovers that lay there this morning.

Let them stay –

I will sleep on my side tonight

as if you were still here

 

 

(on that note, happy five months, you incredible creature)

 

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Comments on: "For two" (4)

  1. That is honestly an amazing piece of writing!

  2. Everytime she leaves I can smell her next to me and my arms hurt from nothing to hold.

    Perfectly conveyed experience

    Hope you see Egypt on your table again soon

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