Disclaimer– read here if you are grumpy with me
A dear friend asked me recently if I was worried about people reading this and getting offended if they are some of the people I make silly witty comments about. I’d hardly call it slander, easy now bitchez.
So I thought I’d just put this out there, to prevent my car being torched (at first I thought I’d be anonymous, but anonymity’s hard when your parking non-skills can be seen from space)
As a blogger, I have the freedom to say whatever the fonk I want, obviously as long as this doesn’t enter into hate speech or incitement to violence. Now I know I regularly advocate hitting boys with pans, and I thought I didn’t need to make this clear, but just in case you read my posts and are ready to call Childline, let me reassure you with soothing words of soothe: I don’t really want anyone to be hit with a pan.
Should you, however, perhaps, have inadvertently hit someone with a pan, and simultaneously filmed it.
Could you please. Perhaps. Upload such a video to my blog.
Furthermore (comrades, for we are all, each and every, comrades, veeeeva), I survive through my sense of humour. And from the comments I get, it seems my readers need a laugh too. So my indictments of ex-boyfriends, bad friends, politicians, that nasty grimace on your face, etc etc – they’re all meant to be taken with a pinch of salt. And chocolate cake, because endorphins are always a good thing. Sarcasm, satire, caricatures, and exaggeration. All based on truth, all just a little whacked out of proportion (but that’s how most of us think, anyway.)
Finally, this blog is a personal form of expression which I choose to publish, freely and publicly, on the internet. If you don’t have the hots for me, or for what I write, may I please to be so kind as to be of reminding you that there is a button at the top-right corner of your screen. It says X. It is even in red.
This blog certainly isn’t popping up like annoying porn adverts whenever you go online. I’m not even doing much to advertise it.
So really, if you no likey, you no have to stay. Is okay. I forgiveth.
Thus, therefore, and conclusively, do not torch my car if you find this blog offensive.
Peace, love and dented pans